Leaders must be able to turn negative conflicts into productive ones. Without effective conflict management skills, team relationships can collapse. Teams that embrace productive conflicts welcome different opinions and thoughts. This, in turn, creates an enriched working environment. It enables teams to move forward by promoting cognitive flexibility and increasing productivity. These tips not only lead to friendlier and gentler disagreements, but also more productive disagreements. You know, the way problems are solved, feelings are shared, and people learn things they need to know about each other. Plus, they`ll likely get you to make up sex faster. Today, most experienced interrogators agree that establishing a relationship with the suspect is essential to getting him to speak. Good interrogators don`t demand anything. They don`t even ask for information until they`ve established a human connection.
Instead of saying, «Tell me what you know,» they say, «Tell me your story.» And then they listen. Like many people, I was impressed by the toxicity of public discourse, which led me to reflect on the issue of disagreements. At first, I thought the book would be about how we can resolve our differences amicably. But when I started researching about it, I realized that our biggest problem is not an excess of arguments, but a lack of arguments. We see so many toxic arguments on social media that we feel very uncomfortable with disagreements. And so we avoid it – not only online, but also at work and even at home. And when we do that, we miss out on its immense benefits. Disagreements are a state of mind, perhaps the best we have. This makes us smarter and, contrary to intuition, brings us closer when done right. If we don`t disagree, we make worse decisions and become alienated from each other. Instead of suppressing conflicts, leaders should encourage productive conflicts.
They should educate their team on the importance of inviting conflicts rather than closing them. We can apply Moran`s wisdom to disagreements. One of the mistakes we make most often is getting to the point of difference too quickly before we have established a connection. The key to a productive disagreement is to get the other person to lower their shield – and you don`t do that by pushing them. So, before you get to the difficult part, show the other person that you`ve listened to them. Tell them where you agree with what you`ve learned from them. Focus on them and their problems, not your problems. Disagree, but log in first. How to use productive conflicts and channel them into Internet solutions is a low-context culture, and today, wherever we are in the world, most of us are increasingly living a low-context life. We live in cities full of people from different backgrounds, we do business with foreigners and we talk about smartphones. We cannot rely on tradition to communicate.
We need to explicitly say what we want or believe, and that is likely to be challenged. The fact is that neither evolution nor culture has trained us to do so. Our ancestors had a high background – they lived in colonies and tribes with common traditions and chains of command. Now, everyone expects their voice to be heard, and technology gives everyone a podium. In this hard, irreverent and wonderfully diverse world that we have built for ourselves, everyone speaks to everyone. We live in a society that is more prone to disagreement than at any other time in history – and no one has prepared for it. Overall, what matters is that we have some kind of connection that goes beyond the disagreement itself, and that we share a common goal of one kind or another. If the disagreement is only about the disagreement, it will quickly collapse, because to engage in it, we must have confidence in the intentions and goodwill of the other.
Often, when someone seems to be acting irrationally or unpleasantly, it`s because they don`t feel safe about the relationship they have with you or the image they think they`re projecting. Experienced disagreements will help their opponents feel better on both points, lowering their defenses and leading to a better conversation. Of course, if someone has no interest in honest and productive disagreement, there`s not much you can do about it. But there is a lot you can do, and often it`s about showing them that you have a common goal – that you both want to get to the truth or that you`re both interested in solving the problem in question. There is a way to enjoy a disagreement without sacrificing connection and growth. There is a certain type of friendship – perhaps you can think of examples from your own life – where lasting and harmless disagreement even helps to keep the friendship together. .